Had It Not Been Disney
by ThaInstaPrincess
Summary: What if Mia had Married Andrew and The Princess Diaries Had Not Been A Disney Movie? P.S. Y R There Not More Of These Stories?
1. Small and WeakBig and Thick

Hello Peoples! Since I am awaiting the return of my muse, I shall write this story.

**What if Mia married Andrew and had chosen love of country over love of life? Well I'll tell u what happened. **

**As I lay in bed with Andrew I couldn't help thinking: **

**GOD THIS MAN IS WONDERFUL IN BED! Oh come **

**on you know it's true. I lay on top of him with my **

**knees gripping his hips and me playing with his **

**hands. Looking at how perfectly they fit together. I **

**giggled and buried my head in his chest. "What is so **

**funny"? "Do you remember our wedding night"? He **

**laughed into my hair. "Yes that was an incredibly **

**charming song". I laughed again, and then I broke **

**into giggles. He started singing/saying the words in **

**a whisper. "Hey Andrew, I like the things you do". I **

**picked it up from there. "Hey Andrew! If I could I **

**would be you. You're the one and only consort, your **

**skin has the one and only taste. You know how to **

**take a girl and make out with her". We both said the **

**last part. "GRRRRRRREAT"! Then we broke out into **

**laughter. I rolled off of him and onto my side of the **

**bed. He kissed my neck. YES! Just the opening I **

**needed…………. I turned over and made out with **

**Andrew my husband. I liked the sound of that, my **

**husband. **


	2. Foot Poping Nearness

**HIYA GUYS! Yes that is the Tony the Tiger theme song from the frosted flakes commercial. Things may get a little "heated" in tha next chapter so young eyes avert. (I'm talking about young ones and I use the word 'avert' smart me). **

I quietly slipped out of bed so as not to wake Andrew. I'd worn 

**him out and we'd only been married for like three days. It **

**wasn't my fault he was wonderful in bed. As I quietly walked **

**down the hallway I thought about the last three days. Gramma **

**had manned up and told Joe (and everyone who was bidding **

**him goodbye) how she truly felt about him. UH-HUH! That's **

**right my Gramma and Joe r 2gether. I was even more excited **

**that our Charlotte hasn't been forgotten, she's hooked up with **

**the Prime Minister. His wife got killed in an accident last year. **

**From the make-out session I hear going on in her room it seems **

**to me as though he's finally moved on! I walk to my **

**Grandparents door and knock. "Who is- Joseph stop it-it"? **

"**Me Gramma". He's still holding her back and I really need to **

**talk so I get ignorant, and really loudly I start saying, "OH **

**GOD! YOU GUYS AREN'T IN THERE DOING ANYTHING **

**ARE YOU"? At this point Gramma snatches me in the door. **

"**Mia what do you think you are doing! You can't just yell stuff **

**like that around here". I smiled. "But I really needed to get in **

**the door"! Joe snickered. "Morning Joe. Thanks for having **

**boxers on"! He just out right guffawed at this while my **

**Grandmother playfully hit me on the arm. "I have a dilemma". **

**She looked at me silently so I went on. "I think I'm in love with **

**Andrew. Every time he nears my face I feel my leg start to rise. **

**I can't fall for him I'm in love with Nicholas still. But I really **

**do love Andrew and he may look all small and defenseless but". **

**She put her hand up. "No need to go any further it's bad **

**enough to know that you even know what sex is". I laughed. **

"**So what do you want me to tell you to do Amelia? Tell you **

**that everything will be okay? It won't. Tell you that everything **

**will work out for the best? It won't. Tell you that with love **

**everybody wins. This is not the 70's it does not work that way. **

**But what I will tell you is this when he says I love you before **

**you think about uttering those words, look at who pops up in **

**your mind when you say the word love". Leave it to Gramma **

**to be Philosophical the one time what I really needed was a **

**straight plan on what to do. "Thanks Gramma". I walked out **

**of the door and back to see if my husband was up yet. I **

**certainly hoped so. **


	3. Mia VS Elsie

**Hey people! I needed to give Mia time to bcome even MORE upset than she already was so Andy's POV is in here. Don't worry it won't happen often ( least not from his point of view). All My Love! **

I lay in bed with my husband watching Spongebob. Childish I 

**know but come on The Sponge is The MAN! We were laughing **

**at Spongebob irritating the heck out of Squidward when a **

**news bulletin came on. "UGGG! NOT IN THE MIDDLE OF **

**SPONGEBOB". I said exasperated. He kissed my head, "Calm **

**down it might be important". Just then Elsie Kentworthy's **

**face appeared on the screen. I loathed that woman, she had **

**BRIGHT red hair then wore bright hats on top of it! I needed **

**to sick Paulo on her. "I have just confirmed that our Queen is **

**expecting and no it's not her husbands more at six". OH HELL **

**NO! The woman had gone to far. Andrew just looked at me **

**and when I looked at him he just slid away with his hands up **

**in surrender. I got up and went to take a shower. **

Andrews POV 

I put on a bathrobe while Mia swore in a variety of languages.

I slipped into and down the hall to her Grandparents room. I

knocked on the door. Clarisse opened the door. "Hello

Andrew". I smiled. "Hi! Mia's going to the news station to kill the

reporter who said she's expecting Nicholas' child". Her eyes

opened so wide I SWORE they were gonna hit the floor. "

WHAT"! Then she did the exact thing that Mia had done: Ran

to the shower. "Do they all run to the shower when things get

rough"? Joseph got out of bed and came towards me. "No, just

when they're about to fight". My eyes got big. "Don't worry.

Go get Charlotte, she's the only one of us who can gently get

Mia to calm down when she's THIS upset". I started to walk

off. "Joe, are Mia and Charlotte going to fight"? He looked at

the ceiling SERIOUSLY considering this. "Probably". I shook

my head, and ran to find Charlotte.

**Hi that's it 4 now in tha next chap Mia and Char will scrap! **

**N Special note 2 Pokimon I LOVE ALL OF UR STORIES! It's so nice to know that one of my FanFic idols likes my stories! And Thanx 4 tha compliment on my weirdness! **

**All MY Love!**


	4. OH HELL NO!

Hiya Guys! I want to thank MUCH Pokimon for reviewing my story. If T'were not 4 her I probably would only have an account so I could review. (That's basically my nice way of calling all u other guys Donkeys).

**But 4 all of u that didn't understand y Char was going 2 fight Mia It's cause Char's going to try to stop Mia from going down there and Breakin' 'er foot off in Elsie's $$! Understand now? Now on w/ tha story. **

**A/N: Char used to be a dancer (Professionally, not on a pole. Which if u think about it is a profession, jus not Chars)  **

**Now really on w/ tha story! **

**Some how Charlotte made it to my room before I did. "Joseph **

**I really don't think Mia needs to". Joe put his hand up to stop **

**her. "I'm telling you she needs this I'll stop it if it gets too rough**

**ugh". She smiled a still uneasy smile. I walked over to them they**

**were sitting on the bed, as did I. I looked at our room; the c**

**coffee table had been moved to the other side of the room. Mia **

**was squaring up Charlotte and Char just put her hair in a **

**ponytail. "Mia I'm NOT going to let you go down there and **

**embarrass your Grandmother and Your Country". Mia swung **

**at Charlotte; she dodged it and hit Mia Square in the face. Mia **

**staggered back and looked at Char like she'd lost her mind then**

**en she lunged at her. Charlotte (in one foul swoop) did a spilt **

**to the floor and then turned on her stomach and stuck her leg **

**out tripping Mia. For the next 15 minutes Mia swung at Char **

**and Missed, thus only pissing Mia off more. Then just when it **

**had gotten good Mia stood up and said something so low and **

**so vile that when Char began to beat the holy hell outta Mia, **

**Her Majesty didn't try to stop her. "When did you learn how **

**to fight like this Char? Was it after your Ma left you on your **

**alcoholic fathers door step"? Charlotte looked at Mia, first **

**with hate, then with sadness then back to hate. "Bitch", **

**Charlotte lunged at Mia and pushed her on the ground. She then **

**proceeded to punch Mia in the face like she had tried to steal **

**from her. Finally it took, Joseph, Shades, Me, and about four **

**other security guards to pull Charlotte from Mia. Then when **

**we did she turned right back around and grabbed her hair! **

**After 20 minutes of pulling and holding down we finally got **

**Char off of Mia. Mia got up and saw that Charlotte was crying. **

"**Charlotte I'm", Char held her hand up to stop Mia. "Go To **

**Hell, Go STRAIGHT to hell". Then she walked towards the **

**door. "Consider that my two hour notice", she said over her **

**shoulder with that she was gone. **


	5. Make Ups and Vodka

I got up from where I was and followed Charlotte, but when 

**she turned around and glared at me the way she did I was not **

**about to screw with her. When my Gramma saw me come back **

**in the room she sighed and said, "Wait here". God I had really **

**screwed things up. Oy Vey! **

**My Gramma came and got my about an hour later. I **

**apologized and was forgiven. (YEA!) Then Char and I walked **

**down the hall arm in arm. "Char how long has it been since **

**you've been out partying"? She considered this. "Before I **

**came to work here actually". I stared at her in amazement! I **

**pulled out my Hello Kitty cell phone and called Asana (who I **

**knew was staying in the Genovian countryside). "Hey Sana? **

**Were going partying tonight! So get over here A.S.A.P. Char **

**hasn't been partying since she came to work here"! Sana yelled **

**in the phone then hung up on me. "She'll bee here in a few". **

**Char and I laughed all was good again yea! **

**As Brigitte, Brigetta, Shades, Andrew, Anthoni(the chef), **

**Jacob(the gardener), Charlotte and I snuck out the house I **

**couldn't help but be over joyed at the fact that we were gonna **

**make it out of the palace before Gramma caught us. Then the **

**lights came on, thankfully it was Joe. "Go she's coming"! We **

**all bolted for the door. **

**At what I thought looked like 3 am on my clock. We all **

**dragged our drunken, giggly, booze soaked selves into the **

**castle. "I SPILLED BAILY'S ON MY SHIRT! WAIT IT **

**DOESN'T MATTER IT'S NOT MINE IT'S MIAS"! Which **

**caused us ALL to burst into laughter. Then Char **

**marched/stumbled/slurred her way towards the radio. "Aw **

**that's my jam". 'Sunday Morning' by Maroon 5 was on and **

**Char immediately began dancing to it which made us all dance **

**to it. We did the running man, electric slide, and Detroit Hustle **

**to it then I took the girls upstairs to change into some pj's. **

**When we came back downstairs the guys were just jamming to **

'**1,2 Step by Ciara. Then we all began dancing, again. The last **

**thing I remember was having an Ice Cream sandwich eating **

**contest, before passing out on the foyer floor. **


	6. Lose My Breath and My Lunch

Hiya Guys This (don't hate me) is just kinda a teaser. The full chapter will come when ever I receive an author alert from Pokimon! (Mwahahaha)!

**I was woken up by 'Lose My Breath' by Destiny's Child. **

**The pounding drums were not at all welcoming. When I peeled **

**my face off of the floor I saw Gramma and Joe at the top of the **

**stairs dancing. It (in spite of the never ending thumping noise **

**in my head) was fun to see them dance to a modern song. **

**When the saw we were all up (moaning, and grabbing our **

**heads) they yelled down the stairs. "Good morning everyone! **

**Did you all have a good time last night? I certainly Hope so, we **

**have Pancakes with syrup, and grits with lot's of butter. And **

**runny eggs, and then if your really hungry then we have steak, **

**medium rare of course". Then I heard them laughing as **

**everyone got up and bolted for a bathroom. **

**More when u write mor! All My Love Though!**


	7. The Man I Love

Hi I'm back! Ya know what the funny thing is though? As soon as I posted the last chapter I went to check my e-mail and who'd a thunk it! I had an author alert from Pokimon! Ain't that twisted!

**As I emerged from the bathroom I crawled to the table where Gramma was quietly eating breakfast. "Good Morning dear"! **

**She said it all cheery which only increased the ringing in my head. "Gramma what is this. My head won't stop ringing or **

**thumping and I feel the urge to throw up". She smiled at me looking pitiful. "Mia that is called a hangover. When you consume **

**an enormous amount of alcohol you become drunk which in turn only makes you order more alcohol, and this my dear is the **

**result". She smirked as she continued to read the paper. I just layed my head down on the table and prayed I would slip into **

**uncosiousness until this went away. Then Joe came down the stairs. "Mia you brought home a guy named Raphel NOT **

**Andrew". My head shot up at this. "WHAT"! "Yes you seemed to have brought home a Spanish bartender who can make **

**one hell of a margerita, instead of you Prince Consort". He tried to stifle a laugh while Gramma without looking up from her **

**paper made sarcastic remarks. "Wow, you are so responsible I don't know WHAT Parliament was thinking being worried **

**leaving the country in your hands"! "Not now I'm missing the man I love"! This caused everyone to look up. Gramma **

**dropped her paper into her tea, and took her glasses off. Joe just stared at me with this Horrid expression on my face. Oy **

**Vey what did I just say.**


	8. Just My freakin luck

Ok I'm Back. I tried to rework my other story but I couldn't so i'm just going to work with this one. Now a few things I MUST tell you. First, I have a b in English but it's a b because of extra credit. Meaning my English sucks, I don't have a beta so either deal with it or don't read the story. Second, there will be a song in this story. So far there's only 1 but their mite be more so if you don't like that don't read it. Third, if you think my story rocks tell me, if you think it sucks tell me. But don't tell me it sucks then I get another review from you talking about how great it is. Cause then you're just irritating! So that's the end of my long authors note enjoy the story!

**As Professor Hermione Granger sat on her Best friend Professor Harry Potter's shoulder crying, he asked her the question that he had asked her time and time again. "Mione, if he makes you so miserable, why do you stay with him"? She sniffed and looked him in the eye. "Because, I can't imagine waking up in the morning and he's not there. I can't see myself married and it's not to him. I just can't see myself without him. He's my other half, my one". She sniffed and wiped her eyes. "He's my ex-factor". **

Ex-Factor: Noun/Adjective 

**Your other half, your 'the one'. Your mate in a relationship. A relationship that is so awful, so cruel and so totally fucked up that it might destroy you both if you stayed in it. But you do stay in it, not because your being forced or anything but because you have to be in it. You want to be in it, and if you leave you'll just come back to it again and again, and again.**

**The Head Table at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was bustling with life. The Headmaster and his wife talked about her changes in the Transfiguration lesson plan. Harry and his boyfriend Draco discussed why they had yet again beaten Ron and his wife Luna at quidditch again. Then you got to the end of the table where poor professor Flitwic (sorry if that's incorrect spelling) was sitting in between professors Snape and Granger. **

**These two had the most volatile love in all of Hogwarts history and it sucked so bad. It was wonderful that they were in love but for the past 5 years they'd been dating they'd spent more of it fighting or apart then they had together and happy. It just didn't make any sense. But still they were together, technically. **

**Hermione looked up when a paper ball hit Severus in the side of the head. He looked at Dumbledore who was wistling to him self, (come on man why not just charm a sign over your head that says 'Look at me! Look at me! I Did it!). Severus opened the paper read it then looked at her then back to the headmaster. **

"**Because, I just don't want her anymore"! With that he left the table. Hermione barley chocked back a sob then she made her excuses and fled the table. **

**As Hermione Granger had promised Dumbledore that she would perform at the talent show she got ready to do just that. She had been exempt from teaching that day and for that she was grateful, but a promise is a promise and she had to keep hers. She was the opening act so as she stood on the side of the stage as Dumbledore announced her she smoothed imaginary wrinkles out of her shirt that said, "Anytime, anyplace, just not with you", and some jeans. She'd never been so happy that she was the muggle studies teacher and got to wear muggle attire. I mean you know robes are wonderful but not all the time! She was shaken out of her revirie.**

**By the sound of clapping and Dumbledore walking past her saying, "Good Luck"! She stroed onto the stage and adjusted the mic. "This song is dedicated to someone. You know who you are". And then the music started. . . **

**Well there's the first chapter! Hope u like it! If u do tell me, if you don't tell me! Love, Juilliard. **


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